Day Three Hundred & Thirty-Four

For clearing the air and speaking my piece. For finding the nerve not to "avoid" a conflict.

Day Three Hundred & Thirty-Three

She's been such a theme lately, but my gratitude today has everything to do with N.M. I'm so, so, so blessed to have her in my life. To have her to turn to when I need to vent, when I need to tell someone how I'm feeling, when I need someone to slap me upside the head through the phone, or when I need someone to need me too. I know that I can always turn to her and that she's not going to turn away. It's one of those friendships where I know she has my back and she knows I have hers. It feels great.

Day Three Hundred & Thirty-Two

Hi, my name is Megan and I'm a cupcake addict.


Seriously. I am. It's frightening how frequently I've stopped at a cupcake shop and bought cupcakes over the past month. I should calculate the money I've spent on it. Or maybe I shouldn't... definitely, definitely shouldn't.

It's not my fault there's so many amazing cupcake shops near me!

Like http://www.gigiscupcakesusa.com/ or http://www.theshoppedenver.com/. Or even the Whole Foods near work that has the best hazelnut ganche cupcakes on the face of the planet.


I blame Natasha for getting me hooked.

Day Three Hundred & Thirty-One

I know I've written about my new hobby of making homemade cards before, but I'm really proud of the progress I've made in my abilities since I started. My first cards were fine, but nothing I would say I'd really want to show anyone else. Over the last few months I've progressive gotten neater, more exact, and more creative. I'm even starting to ponder selling on etsy.

Day Three Hundred & Thirty

Ten years ago they gave him 3-5 years to live. We all spent that time counting down those years and worrying when that time may come. Three years passed. Then four. Then five, six, seven, eight, nine, and today my grandpa turns 83. It's been a scary year with trips in and out of the hospital and in all likelihood, the end is probably pretty close. But ten years after they put a time limit on his life, my grandpa has celebrated another birthday. I love him more than words and know no other man like him. I am so blessed beyond words that he and our family get to celebrate his 83rd birthday.

Day Three Hundred & Twenty-Nine

I LOVE AUTUMN

Day Three Hundred & Twenty-Eight

Most nights out of the week I have trouble sleeping. Usually, I just lay in bed, take a sleeping pill, or try and entertain myself on the computer. A lot of the times what I really want to do is get the hell out of my apartment and take a walk; but I've convinced myself that it's not safe and I shouldn't. I actually feel relatively safe in my area, even late at night, but tell myself I shouldn't go out.

I decided tonight that I should just do what I felt like I both needed and wanted and I took a walk. I brought my camera along and probably looked like a drunken (though I was sober) fool with how often I stopped in random places and took random pictures, but it was so pleasurable and once I got home, I went to sleep. 

I'm really happy with how a few of these pictures turned out (w/the help of photoshop).

Day Three Hundred & Twenty-Seven

I have a really random obsession with dead dandelions.

I believe in their magical power to grant wishes.

I always have.

I will always blow their seeds away and make a wish.

Day Three Hundred & Twenty-Six

I had such a blast tonight at my housewarming shindig. I'm so thankful for everyone who came over and helped me "warm" my new place (2 months later, but whatever). It's so nice when random groups of people not only get along, but seem to enjoy being together too.

I have so many great pictures of the night, I don't even know which ones to include!

Day Three Hundred & Twenty-Five

I have amazing and generous friends and family! I am so appreciate of how many people have supported the work I'm doing by donating financially or by spreading the word of our fundraising campaign. Sometimes I get so caught up in daily activities that I forget to stop and be grateful for all those who helped me get to this place in my life. I am so incredibly grateful.

Day Three Hundred & Twenty-Four

Today my boss (we share an office) sent me the following email:

"Hey there! You are talking on the phone right now, and I'm reminded that I haven't recently told you how great you are with survivors on the phone, and how pleasant you are when someone calls in! It's really fantastic!!!"

It felt really wonderful to hear such positive words and I feel like this is the one area of my job I (a) feel confident in and (b) truly care about*, so it's really important to know that she thinks I'm doing a good job. And I really appreciate her telling me. Because all of us have such specific roles, we usually work alone and can get so caught up in our own work that we don't remember to tell everyone how well they're doing.



*I care about all aspects of my job, but my interactions with survivors matters most to me

Day Three Hundred & Twenty-Three

I'm pretty sure the coolest part of this new gig is that part of the grant paying for my position is through the Colorado Works Force and that I get $150 towards new professional clothing!!!!!!!!!!


Today I went to Sears, where I have never ever ever been able to find something that both fits and is worth buying, and found several things (the gift cards are only for Sears)!!


The most amazing thing is that I found these boots on sale that are knee-highs and adorable!!! NEVER BEFORE IN MY LIFE HAVE BOOTS BEEN ABLE TO ZIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!


But these ddi! And now I feel hot as hell.

Day Three Hundred & Twenty-Two

Oh. My. Goodness.

Tonight was our final night of the first Speak Out! Workshop.


And I knew tonight would be intense. That these stories would be intense. But shit. I had no clue.


Not only did I find the speeches amazing, but the combination of the fact that I know these people and that we've worked together for so long, damn. It all impacted me deeper than I was planning.


And I'm actually very grateful that it did. These amazing people have been through such horror, and yet, they sat across me for weeks to learn the best ways to speak of the horror they experienced. What!?!?! How does one express the gratitude of getting to be a part of that??

Day Three Hundred & Twenty-One

THIS:

Day Three Hundred & Twenty

I'm still getting used to the fact that I have friends who have kids! And that these kids get older every year!!!!

All the same, I'm really grateful that N. felt that I'm an important enough part of both her life and the lives of her kids that I should come to their birthday parties.

I wasn't feeling well today and I debated not going; but I felt like I had to at least show up long enough to drop off the babes' presents. So I did. And N. immediately called out, "Daisy... Megan's here." Daisy ran into my arms and gave me the best snuggle ever!

N. then told me that when she told Daisy that I might not be able to make it b/c I wasn't feeling well that Daisy got really sad and upset. I don't know. It might be weird. But I really love N. And I really love her kiddos. And I really love that they wanted me there to celebrate their birthdays.

Day Three Hundred & Nineteen

I love outreach work. I really, really do. But it also F'ing sucks. Today I stood for hours at an event where the booths were shoved into a corner of the parking lot and no one wanted to talk to us. We were in the sun; it was hot as hell; I was getting sunburned; I had to listen to a "gospel talent show," and I honesty thought I was going to lose my mind.

But THANK GOODNESS for other agencies placed in the same situation. At the fair was another agency that had a coordinator who felt the same way I did. We bonded instantly and made jokes throughout the entire day. If she wasn't there, I swear I would have lost my mind.

Sometimes, I swear, outreach events are created to help me feel less alone in my work.

Thank the Universe for this organization and this woman.

Day Three Hundred & Eighteen

When I was seven years old, my classmate Corrine D. became an aunt. She had a much older half sister and one day she came into class announcing that her sister had a baby. Ever since that day I have wanted to be an aunt. I truly cannot even express the extent to which that desire to be an aunt goes. Or how annoying I have been for the last twenty years!!

I'm pretty sure that when my eldest brother, B, started dating R when they were 18, I immediately began asking when they'd have a baby. I probably asked this monthly until after yeeeeeeeears of this they finally asked me to stop asking. I did my best and stopped asking as often. I don't know what my obsession is with being an aunt, but damn it's a strong obsession. I love kids. I love babies. I love the children I babysit for like they are part of my family. And I think that while I'm terrified of being a mother, I know I am going to make a kickass aunt.

This August my mom told me that she had a suspicion that my brother and sister-in-law were pregnant. She didn't know for sure, but she thought so. I told her that if she was wrong and had gotten my hopes up that I would never speak to her again.

Tonight B & R asked to Skype with me and they opened with, "We have the news you've been waiting years for."

I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT!!!!!!!

Of course I immediately went shopping and made a card:

Day Three Hundred & Seventeen

There are just certain things in life that are almost 100% consistent in bringing positiveness. Coffee dates with B.W. is one of those things. We've never hung out in any other capacity; but bring on the coffee and the coffeeshop and we will have an amazing time together. B has something about her that simultaneously excites me about life and calms my nerves. Getting together with her has this feeling to it of going "home."

Day Three Hundred & Sixteen

There's this great quote that goes something like: "What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be."

I bought tickets to a concert for myself and a friend and for a couple months, I had been thinking about how much fun we'd have. I had created all these expectations and hopes around the evening and then our relationship ended and suddenly I found myself with tickets to a show that I couldn't convince myself to go to b/c I wasn't going with her. How could I go to something that I bought as a birthday present for someone else? How could I attend something with someone else, when I knew I would spend the entire time thinking of someone else? 

I kept trying to sell our tickets and it just wasn't happening. I was reaching the point where I decided I was just going to give them away and just eat the cost. Tonight a young woman sent me an email telling me how much she loved the artists playing and she would love the tickets. She couldn't pay quite the cost of what I'd paid, but she offered close and she came over to pick them up. 

I know she is going to enjoy herself at the concert and that she'll be able to live in that very moment. 

Day Three Hundred & Fifteen

9/11 is a complex day for me b/c I mourn and remember the tragedy of what happened in 2001. But I also remember and feel blessed by what happened in 1986 with the birth of a darling friend. I will forever feel sadness for the pain inflicted by those misguided people, but I will also always celebrate the amazing, amazing woman that was brought into the world on this day.n

Day Three Hundred & Fourteen

The best part of me believes this. And is grateful that I shouldn't regret any part of what we had because I really did want it for so long.

Day Three Hundred & Thirteen

What an interesting day. I'm not really feeling gratitude towards much right now.

But what I have to say I do feel grateful for is that ultimately I'm making it through. I thought I needed to be with someone to get through the day and I called a friend and she wasn't really all about getting together.

So I decided that I wouldn't see her, even though she said we could get together. I just didn't feel like she meant it and I felt like I couldn't handle being around someone who didn't truly, absolutely want to be near me.

But I made it through the evening. I went and got coffee by myself. Then I took a walk. Then I went home and cleaned and went to bed before I couldn't handle things.

So even though V. ended things today; even though every minute of every hour of today sucked; even though all I want to do is crawl into someone's arms, I've survived it all by myself.

I just pray that I can continue to survive this way.

Day Three Hundred & Twelve

WOW. How is it even possible that I've been doing this for 312 days? We all know I've skipped a couple days (ok, once or twice a couple weeks) here or there, but for 85% of those 312 days, I've blogged daily about what I'm grateful for. When I started this project I had really hoped that I would stay consistent and actually take the time to think about the blessings in my life. It hasn't always been easy, but I am so glad I decided to start this blog and that it's taken me where it has. Getting to that 1 year mark is going to be amazing.

Day Three Hundred & Eleven

I should really buy stock!!!

Day Three Hundred & Ten

Oh mental health days :)

I really just felt like I needed a breather today, so I took the day off of work. I know I just had Monday off for Labor Day, but I worked that Saturday, so it still felt like a normal 2 day weekend to me. Plus, there's something to me about taking an unscheduled day off... of "playing hooky."

It's been an emotionally exhausting week on both the personal and professional levels and to have a day where I can go where I please, do what I please, and not think of anyone or anything I don't want to feels great. I'm currently sitting in a coffeeshop, surrounded by friendly strangers, taking a momentary pause from my life.

I'm so incredibly grateful that I have this option, that I have enough paid personal/sick/vacation days that I can take today off without worrying about it.

Day Three Hundred & Nine

YAY impromptu evening visit by S.R!

Day Three Hundred & Eight

I'm really glad my boss is giving me more and more leeway in the projects I'm doing. She told me today that she feels that "I'm getting the feeling and vibe of WINGS...." She hasn't much feedback or changes on the writings, flyers, or campaigns I've been working on recently and that also rocks.

Day Three Hundred & Seven

Is there anything better than spending time with an old friend? It was amazing to see T.A. after all these years! She's definitely one of those people with whom it feels like we can pick up immediately right where we last left off. I'm excited for her new life in AZ and that she'll be closer for me to visit!

Day Three Hundred & Six

I really enjoyed sitting on patio at Dazbog this afternoon, just enjoying the coffee, the people watching, and feeling like part of a community. I had fabulous phone conversations with both my mom and my dad and it was just great to feel like I'm falling back into a Sunday routine.

Day Three Hundred & Five

Brunch is my favorite meal ever, but I especially love it when I spend it with good people. I don't know the last time I laughed so much. K.A. and I are just great at having ridiculous conversations. The highlight of this brunch was all about the celebrities we were convinced we were going to marry when we were in middle school and how we'd lay in bed at night and plan how we were going to meet them so that they could propose.

She's just one of those people who I can't help but smile and lightening up when I'm around her.