Day One Hundred & Twenty-One

Since today is LEAP DAY, I thought I'd take this extra day and post pictures of people and events I've loved over the past year:

Day One Hundred & Twenty

Day One Hundred & Nineteen

I absolutely love having "traditions" with friends. Every week I look forward to watching The Bachelor with Lanita. I love that we can spend two hours together watching ridiculous television, talking throughout it and have the absolute best time. There's something significant about having the kind of friend that you can spend time with that doesn't require pretense, pressure, or anything special to make the evening worthwhile.

Day One Hundred & Eighteen

It's always nice to have friends who are similar to you in some way; they don't have to have everything in common with you, they don't have to love everything you love, they don't have to believe everything you believe. But to have someone who speaks to your soul in a way you hear and respond to is so incredibly powerful. Michy speaks to my "mushy side. She is sensitive, compassionate, understands feeling left out, and is willing to speak from her heart. I'm possibly the most "mushy" person alive and while many people are okay with hearing those kinds of things, not everyone is comfortable sharing them in return. Michy is.

And as we say to each other now, when we're feeling particularly sentimental, "mush mush mushy mush."

Day One Hundred & Seventeen

S.B. makes my heart happy. No matter what we do, I feel better when I leave.

Day One Hundred & Sixteen

Sometimes I am grateful that I believe what's written in the above quote. That I have proven to myself time and time again that my confidence comes from my experiences; that I have learned to fall, to pick myself up, and to move on. I feel a lot of self-love for believing these things about myself. For trusting myself, for letting go, for holding on, for defying all the expectations I set for myself- sometimes in ways I didn't originally imagine.

Day Hundred & Fifteen

This totally explains my kind of day! Luckily, there are many people at work who are people I actually like to be around and who make me smile/laugh.

Day One Hundred & Fourteen

Day One Hundred & Thirteen

After 9 straight hours of class, I usually just want to go home, curl up in my bed and watch mind-numbing television on my computer. But, since this week was Fat Tuesday, I agreed to go out with friends. The plan was to stay for an hour so that I could still be home in bed by 10:30pm. Instead, I got home at 2am after a night of giant Jenga, many toasts, dancing my ass off, and laughing with friends. I'm not a spontaneous person. I'm pretty darn boring, in fact, and generally like it that way. Every now and again, though, my friends encourage me to let go and just enjoy the moment. What an incredibly fun night.

Day One Hundred & Twelve

Nothing better than talking to my bestie on the phone for an hour. Except maybe learning she's coming to visit in 7 weeks!!!!!!!

Day One Hundred & Eleven

All the love I have is on its way to Rachal. Kind, compassionate, supportive Rachal; she helped make a hard time easier. May she put in the fight of her life right now.





02/20/12 Update: Rachal was removed from life support today. I don't know that I believe in God or Heaven, but I do believe that Rachal is on her way to a place without pain, filled with history and poetry books on every subject, that looks like Rome, and is filled with love.

Rachal singing "To Make You Feel My Love:" http://soundcloud.com/tialucia/rachal-badras-cover-of-to-make

"No there's nothing that I wouldn't do, to make you feel my love."

Day One Hundred & Ten

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone
I've tried and I don't know why

Day One Hundred & Nine

Loving myself enough to take some time for good self-care. Snuck out of work a little early, took a nap, cleaned my apartment, and then curled in bed alternating between watching the TV episodes I missed all week and reading a new book for fun. When the friends called and urged me to join them for drinks, I happily replied that I was "already in my PJs and content to spend the night exactly as I was." And I was. Perfectly happy to spend some time with myself... with no agenda, nothing dire to get done, nothing I "had to" or "should do."

Day One Hundred & Eight

Part of the conversation I had with D today made my week:

D: "Ha! We're insane."

Me: "Completely, it's a good thing we have each other. Who else would love us?"

D: "I KNOW! No one. Thank god!"

Day One Hundred & Seven

Happy is the heart that still feels pain
Darkness drains and light will come again
Swing open up your chest and let it in
Just let the love, love, love begin

Everybody, everybody wants to love
Everybody, everybody wants to be loved
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Everybody, everybody wants to love
Everybody, everybody wants to be loved
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

oh everybody knows the love
Everybody holds the love
Everybody falls for love

Day One Hundred & Six: Valentine's Day

Day One Hundred & Five

Being given second, and third, chances when I don't really deserve it.

Day One Hundred & Four

Family loving me through my worst moments.

Day One Hundred & Three

Families are complex, messy, beautiful things full of history, memories, and connection that cannot be found anywhere else.

I realized, while waiting for this visit, that I have known my sister-in-law for almost half of my life. She's watched me grow-up and been as constant as the rest of my family for the last 12 years. And my brother has been one of my rocks for as long as I can remember. They haven't always been the smoothest of relationships, but they've always been strong and founded on love.

We fight. We argue. We forgive. We laugh. We tease. We love. We last. We're family.

Day One Hundred & Two

That moment when you realize your friend(s) and your family get along well. That little feeling of happiness in the pit of your being that the people you love actually like each other.

Day One Hundred & One

I'm absolutely loving that my brother and sister-in-law (sil) are sleeping in my living room right now.

Day One Hundred

Luckily I have a slew of people I get to do this with. How fabulous to have a girls night meal during the middle of the week. How wonderful to have a meal prepared by someone else (both delicious and made with love). How incredible to laugh for two straight hours over anything and everything- mocking, teasing, playing, telling jokes, watching comedy videos, making plans for future fun. How blessed to be surrounded by women who not only let you be your stupid self, but match your stupid self with their own.

Day Nintey-Nine

I had the privilege today to watch a therapist do a sand tray demonstration with one of my fellow classmates. My classmate was brave, honest, and authentic. The therapist was empathetic, engaging, and kind. It was amazing to watch the interaction and connection that can happen in a therapeutic relationship. I felt blessed to witness this.

And it reminded me how incredibly powerful my own therapeutic relationship with my clients can be. Yesterday I had a termination session with one of the families I've been working with for the past three months. I have spoken with this mother and 12 year old girl every single week day for the past 3 months. I have listened, supported, engaged, challenged, and believed in their strength, their ability to heal, and the love they have for one another. I have done the very best I could at this point in my professional journey. At the end of our session, after the daughter had left the room, the mother told me that I "saved her daughter's life and she would never forget it." When I turned what she said around and told her that she had done all the work, she started crying and said "she couldn't have done any of it without me and she would never forget what I did for them."

What a humbling, sweet, amazing moment. What a wonderful reminder of the beauty in the work I'm doing. How blessed I am.

Day Ninety-Eight

I've been taught a lot over the past 18 months since I moved to Denver and started grad school, but the majority of what I have learned has been taught to me outside of the classroom (or even internship). My friends have taught me what it means to be loved in spite of myself. There have been several nights when I've done or said really stupid things. Where the next day I wanted to run as far and as fast as possible from my shame, from knowing I've hurt someone else, from embarrassment, from imperfection, from humanness. I have wanted to run and not look back.

But my friends haven't let me.

They've forgiven me, embraced me, accepted my humanness. They've continued to love me as I relearn to love myself. I have always believed that our actions define us, but I am now learning that what we do after we have acted poorly also matters. Apologizing, accepting forgiveness, truly accepting forgiveness and letting it go, these are important, human lessons to learn. And I am so blessed to have people in my life who love me through the learning.

Day Nintey-Seven

From in-depth serious conversation while drunk at the bar (even on Halloween) to writing papers together for hours at Panera, from camping at Telluride or Rogue Camp to car trips and nights in the mountains, from hysterical laughter over our inability (or my inability) to dance to hysterical tears over relationships and the loss of friends, from hugs, to texts, phone calls, IMs, emails, and all forms of endless conversation, L.C. was my first friend in Denver and remains one of my best friends ever. I couldn't imagine my life without this kind-hearted, goofy, intelligent, sensitive, caring woman.

Day Ninety-Six

Day Ninety-Five

And not just their love for me. Watching how and how much my friends love each other reminds me that love will win. Love will help pull through the darkness time after time after time.

Day Ninety-Four

Having a co-intern who calls to check in on rough days, who has learned to read me so well, and who makes time to listen to me when I need to talk. Hers was an unexpected love and I'm so glad we're on this year's journey together.

Day Ninety-Three

So, I'm getting a little bored with posting every day. I'm still finding things I'm grateful for, but doing the actual posting feels a little repetitive. So I've decided that since February is the month of "love," all of my posts this month are going to have to do with love. Familial love, friendship love, romantic love, self-love, world love, etc.

First up: The love of a five year old boy, snuggled up in my lap to watch a movie, as he tells me "it's okay if you kiss me good night now b/c you're like family."