Day Thirty: One Month of Gratitude

“Start bringing gratitude to your experiences, instead of waiting for a positive experience in order to feel grateful.” —Marelisa Fábrega


It's been interesting keeping a daily log of gratitude. I've found that there were many nights when I got home from internship (which is when I usually write) and found myself feeling very ungrateful. Found myself exhausted (physically, mentally, and emotionally), sick of working for free, tired of doing so much work that feels thankless, bored with some of the routine of my days, filled with the sadness of other people's stories, and with a general sense of ingratitude. Finding something to be grateful for felt hard.

But I did it. Every day I found something to feel thankful about. I did as Fábrega suggests and tried to bring gratitude to my experiences, even those that didn't feel positive. And a month later I feel more blessed. I feel more beloved.

One month down. Eleven more to go.

Day Twenty-Nine

CHRISTMAS TREE

Day Twenty-Eight

99 more days of internship

Day Twenty-Seven

Lazy Sunday- reading, TV watching, cooking

Day Twenty-Six

Date night with Lana (movie and drinks)

Day Twenty-Five

Leaving work early. Being 1/2 way done with Christmas shopping. Feeling very F U about internship.

Thanksgiving Day Twenty Four

That grandpa will most likely be okay

Day Twenty-Three

Doing well at my very first solo family therapy session.

Supporting a client as she talks about, for the very first time, the abuse she has suffered.

Surviving and staying present in the moment as her abuse mirrors some of my own.

Doing my very first reporting to Department of Social Services.

Working through a horribly unproductive family therapy session, realizing (even in the moment) that it's impossible to do a family therapy session when one person refuses to engage.

Angela's willingness and ability to support me as I struggled through the toughness of the day.

Day Twenty-Two

An easy babysitting day with T., making some money.

Cheap sushi dinner with Michy!

Day Twenty-One

Spring rolls, Blue Moon, Snickers, and Pomegranate seeds.

Day Twenty

A clean house, with clean sheets and clean laundry

Day Nineteen

FINALLY FINISHING FINALS

2/3s done, 1/3 to go! 20 weeks of class left baby. 26 weeks of internship!

Day Eighteen

Having the ability to call in sick when not feeling well

Day Seventeen

Day Sixteen

For pushing myself in areas that scared me (leading a family session, even though just the MOC came; talking to Dr. H) and those things going really well!!!!

Day Fifteen

For Lauren V.

Day Fourteen

Letting go of the day through wine, cooking, and dancing around my kitchen. Felt so good.

Day Thirteen

I'm grateful that I actually end up spending more time with my friends during finals than I do at any other point in the quarter.

Day Twelve

Talking with Bryn and having two core realizations:

(1.) Some of my clients won't like my therapy style and that's okay. The beauty of this field is that there are many therapists, with many styles/orientations, and there's a therapist out there for everyone. While I can, and to some extend will need to, adapt my work to that of my client, I don't have to completely change who I am to make the client fit.

(2.) Maybe family therapy isn't my niche. Maybe it's not what I'm meant to do with my career. I can use this internship to gain experience in the area, can challenge myself to grow as much as possible, and can use this time to further my clinical orientation, but I don't have to be great at family therapy. It's okay that I may still suck at it at the end of this internship. So long as I have grown from where I am with it now, then I have learned.

Day Eleven

“Veterans are the light at the tip of the candle, illuminating the way for the whole nation. If veterans can achieve awareness, transformation, understanding, and peace, they can share with the rest of society the realities of war. And they can teach us how to make peace with ourselves, and each other, so we never have to use violence to resolve conflicts again” — Thich Nhat Hanh

Day Ten

Doing a school group project with silly, fun, intelligent, focused people.

Day Nine

Having a supervisor who can recognize what I'm struggling with, is willing to honor it, and is able to both help me and challenge me all at the same time.

Day Eight

I'm grateful for the privileges that come along with simply being born in the United States (over which I had no control and do nothing to maintain).

Day Seven

Day Six

Attentive professors who respond quickly to emails, are available to chat by phone if needed, and provide encouragement.

Day Five

A deep, deep sleep; sunshine in the morning; Hazelnut creamer in coffee; no big plans on the horizon

Day Four

As much as I adore kids and one day want my own brood, I am so grateful I don't have any of my own yet!

Day Three

Sometimes, at the right time of sunset, with the right kind of clouds, from the right view, the mountains look like they're floating.

Day Two

While driving to work this morning, I was so incredibly grouchy about the fact that they hadn't plowed the highway. THE HIGHWAY!! After over 6 inches of snow! Traffic stunk, it was taking forever, and the roads were just plain terrible. And I had already started thinking about how horrible tomorrow morning's commute would be due to the ice. Then I remembered how fortunate I am to own a car. So many people don't have that luxury. They take 2-3 buses to get to work. They get up extra early to make it on time, stand out in the cold, and worry about when/if the bus will actually show.

I'm blessed to have a car.

Day One

-Skipping school just because

-Good books

-Long naps

-The ability to afford heat on cold nights

-Yummy homemade food

To Call Myself Beloved

"Did you get what you wanted from this life even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself beloved on this earth."
-Raymond Carver


I've realized recently that I do not express my gratitude for everything beautiful, blooming, and beloved in my life. This blog is a place to record 365 days of gratitude.